


Ultimate Gravity

by Fernedakki



Category: K-pop, Real Person Fiction, Super Junior
Genre: Angst, Canon Universe, Drama, Fluff, Inspired by Real Events, M/M, Romance, Slow Build, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-21
Updated: 2018-04-30
Packaged: 2018-11-03 06:09:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 16,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10961304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fernedakki/pseuds/Fernedakki
Summary: Siwon's phone slipped through his fingers to the floor, just like their story which was now a history. A single tear fell down his cheek as he looked out the patio door to Beijing in electric lights, the city that he'd come so close to call 'home'.Who do you think you are, Choi Siwon? He thought bitterly as another tear fell down his cheek. Who do you think you are that could make him stay?Or, Hankyung and Siwon and their love story that never was during Super Junior's rising-to-fame era until the day things fell apart.





	1. Chapter 1

“Action!”

Siwon’s left arm’s around Lee Yeonhee’s s neck, forcing her to stay with him from behind. His right hand swept a gun widely in front of him, muzzle training on no one in particular; there were a bunch of people in police uniform gathering side by side. Siwon’s fierce eyes threatened anyone who dared to step out beyond others even for a metre. His mouth shouted anything resembling threats, making them sound as intimidating as possible. Sometimes he’d shout in English or even Chinese on a whim to practice other languages at a wrong place and time. His voice wouldn’t appear in the footage anyway, it’s only his expressions that mattered; there would be only Jang Ri-In’s and Xia Junsu’s voices in the complete footage.

A guy stepped out in front of others, his golden-brown hair glistened under the sun. Those brown eyes seemed calm even though they always looked a bit sad. Both of his hands were raised, palms out demonstrating that he meant no harm. His outstanding role told everyone that he’s an important character in the story.

Hankyung’s the hero while Siwon’s the villain.

Hankyung’s expression was calm, his duty was to negotiate with Siwon so that the terrorist would drop the weapon and return the hostage; to tell Siwon that it’s over, that he’s besieged in all directions and his small army was unmatched for the police force which was about a hundred. At that moment, Siwon revealed the hostage and Hankyung, realizing that the hostage’s his girlfriend, suddenly lost it; he took out his gun and shouted in Chinese which Siwon mostly didn’t understand but he knew they’re all swear words. Siwon’s hand squeezed the pistol grip, his index finger at the ready on the trigger so that if something amiss happened, he could fire immediately.

Then there’s a gunshot.

Siwon didn’t know where the sound came from but it’s not his gun. His instinct told him to pull the trigger or he’d be the one who got shot next.

So he pulled the trigger.

The bullet from Siwon’s gun went straight to Hankyung’s forehead. Hankyung acted being hit and fell over as if he’s really got shot. Siwon’s eyes widened in horror as witnessing the consequences of his own doing.

Then all hell broke loose.

The police opened fire as Hankyung fell to the ground and Siwon’s small army retaliated in kind. At that moment, a black van sprinted through. Siwon pushed Yeonhee away before jumping into the van of which door had already been opened for him. Bullets heavy-rained on the vehicle while his army counterattacked with a machine gun through the sunroof, before the van sprinted out of the scene just like it had come in amidst the turmoil.

“Cut!”

The director’s voice through a megaphone was heard all over the area. The van stopped and Siwon jumped out, he pulled out the thief mask and jogged back to the scene. All the extra police officers dissolved fast and Siwon saw Hankyung who’s in the midst of it all making his way to the staffs’ tent.

“Hyung.” Siwon caught up with the other and changed from jogging to walking so that he could keep in pace with the older. Putting his arm around Hankyung’s waist, he pulled him close casually.

“Siwon-ah, it’s hot.” Hankyung fidgeted with the collar of his uniform, trying to shake off Siwon’s embrace but the other didn’t let him. Siwon’s clasp around his waist was tight as they walked to the tent and Hankyung sighed in relief when they reached the shade. Yeonhee had already arrived and was looking at a mirror while a makeup artist put some powder on her face. Hankyung led the way to their usual corner and sat down. Coordi noona came to touch up their faces, set their hair and adjust their clothes before leaving them alone.

“Why do I have to be the villain?” Siwon’s question came out of nowhere. Hankyung looked at him bafflingly.

“Villain?”

“It means ‘bad guy’, hyung. Why do I have to be the bad guy?” Siwon pouted, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Why? You want change to me?” Hankyung asked, his expression changed to amused as he looked Siwon in the eye, then he averted his gaze to look all over the handsome boy’s face: brows, eyes, nose, down to his lips. “Your face evil, can’t hero.” He then pointed at himself, “I’m nice and innocent, can’t bad guy,” and snickered.

“My face looks evil?!” Siwon protested loudly until the staffs nearby all turned to look at him. He lowered his volume, “How?”

“Your smile,” Hankyung cocked his head as reaching out to touch the corner of Siwon’s mouth with his finger, smiling, “Like Joker, if don’t evil then I don’t know what is.”

Siwon huffed annoyingly and Hankyung’s certain if they’re not in public, like at their dorm or backstage where there were only their friends and them, Siwon would have acted being cutely frustrated asking to be appeased, like kissing once or twice. But since they’re on a shoot with hundreds of crew, Siwon would never let his super-cool-boy image he’d been maintaining for years be ruined. So what he did instead was sitting there pouting like a kid who didn’t get his lollipop. That sight made Hankyung laughed.

“If that’s the case…,” Siwon said after being silent for a while, the corners of his mouth curled up in a devious smile, “I’d willingly be a villain if what I steal…,” leaning closer until his lips were at Hankyung’s ear, so close that he could feel Siwon’s breathes on him, “…is nothing but Hankyung-hyung’s heart.”

The older blushed and instantly turned away. “You idiot,” he chided in a low voice and Siwon burst out laughing. Pulling Hankyung close with a strong arm around the other’s shoulder, he brought his lips near his ear once more.

“Just kidding, don’t overthink it.”

Well, that’s too late; Hankyung had already overthought it, and there were three ways to interpret Siwon’s words:

First, in ‘Timeless’ music video, Siwon who’s the villain took Lee Yeonhee, Hankyung’s lover in the story, hostage. Was that considered ‘stealing his heart’?

Second, in the music video as well, Siwon whose heart had conditions required emergent operation, and he got Hankyung’s heart whom he’d killed with his own hands to replace his own. Could that be considered a ‘heart stealer’ yet?

Or third, what Siwon said had nothing to do with the music video…

Well, the last thought made something flutter in Hankyung’s stomach and he wasn’t sure it’s in a good way.

“Everyone, another take, please,” the director spoke through the megaphone. Pulling back, Siwon smiled widely to the Chinese, stood up before holding out his hand to him.

“Let’s go.”

Hankyung’s about to catch that hand, but suddenly his imagination ran on its own and on the younger’s hand there’s something that looked like a red chunk of meat in a distorted shape which’s beating in a constant rhythm. It beat like it had a life of its own, and that made things even scarier…,

…Because even with its volition, it’s still in the palm of Siwon’s hand…

Swallowing hard, Hankyung brushed that thought away and slowly reached out to grab the boy’s hand. “Let’s go visit Heechul-hyung after we finish,” Siwon said after pulling the Chinese up from his chair. Heechul who had terrible car accident last week was in hospital

“Okay,” Hankyung replied.


	2. Chapter 2

A tall boy walked across the parking space full of various colored cars after clicking the lock button on the remote control of his black Hyundai his father had lent him, a beep sound indicated that all of its doors were locked by his command. His handsome face was hidden under a deep blue cap. His hand dove into his cross-body bag and brought out a keycard which he put on the card reader near the elevator button as he reached it. A beep sound accompanied by a green light told him that the card was accepted so he pushed the up button and waited for a time before an elevator door was opened. He entered, pushed for the 8th floor, and then he waited.

A ping sound and the elevator door opened again. The boy walked out and down the hallway that he knew by heart while fishing out a key. He used it to open the heavily-secured door when he reached the apartment.

The sound of someone cooking in the kitchen was the first thing he heard once he got in and the delicious smell in the air made him smile. He knew who’s responsible for that, there’s only one person who could actually cook in this dorm without making any epicure admit to the hospital and the one-of-a-kind smell of Beijing Fried Rice could deceive no one. The tall boy walked over to the living room to put away his cap and his cross-body bag on the couch before following the delicious smell by the command of his stomach which was starting to protest in a not-so beautiful voice.

Hankyung’s standing in front of the stove, still in his pajamas even though there’s a small flowery pink apron – which Heechul bought for him - tied around his waist. There’s a pan in one of Hankyung’s hand, a spatula in the other, and he’s frying Beijing Fried Rice energetically. The tall boy had reached the dining table behind Hankyung when the other said, “Don’t stay still. Help me, Heechul-ssi.” Then he stopped because he’d realized his mistake.

Of course it’s not Heechul. Heechul wasn’t here, not yet.

But it’s understandable that Hankyung would think of Heechul first when he heard footsteps this early in the morning because in this dorm, there’s only Heechul who would get up to have breakfast with the Chinese. Kibum? That brat never had breakfast even though he always woke early. The other member of the dorm, Jay, was rarely here, he stayed in Japan half of the time. Other than that, there’s Seunghwan, a manager-hyung who shared a room with Hankyung.

“I’m not Heechul-hyung.” The tall boy walked over until he stood back to front with Hankyung, his arms slid around the older’s waist, his chin on Hankyung’s shoulder. “That smells really nice, hyung.” And he breathed in the smells of both Beijing Fried Rice and Hankyung’s hair.

“Siwonnie,” Hankyung turned his head slightly to look at the other but quickly turned back to the pan. “I don’t hear you come in.”

“Because the sound of hyung frying fried rice was so loud,” he said then stole a peck on Hankyung’s cheek. The older could have no way of dodging it because Siwon’s lips were closer to his cheek than his own mouth.

“I’m cooking, Siwon-ssi. Stop brothering. Why don’t you set table? Don’t eat breakfast?”

“It’s ‘bothering’, hyung,” Siwon corrected then added, “And of course, I’ll have breakfast with you.” And he went to clear off unrelated stuff which always found their way to the table.

Hankyung finished cooking and brought the food to the dining area. They ate with Siwon speaking about random stuff, like how Hyukjae asked if he wanted to watch a Dragon Ball Z movie with him when he dropped by the other dorm the day before, which he didn’t, thank you. Or how they should go out for a movie sometimes. What about ‘Miami Vice’? It just hit the theatre.

They ended up going to gym together with Kibum. Siwon seemed to have a lot of fun and Kibum, though looked exhausted, also looked proud of himself after finished a series of running on treadmill, weight lifting and some pushups. He earnestly followed Siwon’s instructions and seemed to have a lot of respect for Siwon regarding bodybuilding, well, since he even majored in the subject in the university which he started this year. Even though Hankyung liked exercise, too, Siwon’s routine was tough and he preferred his body not that muscular. In short, he’s too lazy.

Hankyung thought after gym Siwon would be satisfied from spending quality time with them and left him alone, but no. He’s always clingy especially to Hankyung when he had no schedule nor school, which was rarely considering he’s one of the most active members on variety shows, dramas and even an multinational-collaborated film (he very much envied that Siwon costarred with Andy Lau, seriously). Siwon always dropped by this dorm, and Hankyung knew why: he’s afraid that Hankyung would feel lonely, with not that tight schedule in Korea and living far away from his family, so he tried to spend as much of his free time with the Chinese as he could. Hankyung was grateful for that, even though sometimes he preferred to be left alone.

Seems like he couldn’t have his wish granted today.

They went out for some fried chickens for lunch and after that to the cinema to watch ‘Miami Vice’ as Siwon nagged, just the two of them. Siwon’s hand kept disappearing into the popcorn bag and emerged to either Hankyung’s mouth or his own. As the story proceeded, Hankyung realized that Gong Li, a Chinese actress, also starred in the movie. Nonethelss, he needed to concentrate a lot on reading the Hangul subtitles and even with that much effort, he still couldn’t understand everything clearly. As he lost track of the film, he fell asleep with his head on Siwon’s shoulder.

 “Hankyung-hyung, wake up,” Siwon whispered in his ear as the ending credits rolled out. The Chinese opened his eyes, still not fully awake.

“Where are us?” He asked sleepily. Siwon laughed.

“In the cinema, hyung. We came to watch ‘Miami Vice’, remember? You fell asleep half way through.”

Hankyung blushed. “Not half, near end.” Of course he didn’t know when he dozed off. “How it end?”

“The bad guys got killed, of course, just like every cops movie,” Siwon answered.

“What about Gong Li?”

“Oh, she survived, but since she’s also a criminal, she had to leave the country. He helped her escape to Cuba.”

Now Hankyung had a blank expression on his face. “Cuba?”

“Yes, she’s from Cuba.”

“But she’s Chinese,” Hankyung protested. Siwon looked at him then laughed out loud.

“Forget it, hyung! Let’s have bingsu, shall we?” He got up. Hankyung’s still very much confused but he said okay.

They went out to find some small and quiet café. Siwon ordered a bingsu for share. Besides them, there’s only a couple in the café and they didn’t seem to recognize or pay any attention to them. They sat in a corner and Hankyung scooped a spoonful of shaved ice coupled with a piece of chopped strawberry soaked with condensed milk and fruit syrup and held it out to Siwon. The other took the morsel with a satisfied expression.

“Should we buy some desserts for Heechul-hyung?” It’s like an unspoken routine now when Siwon’s with Hankyung that they’d find a time to visit Heechul. They didn’t meet every day and on those days Hankyung didn’t feel obliged to visit his best friend in the hospital; it’s not like they needed to see each other every day, you know? But on the days that Siwon’s with him, the younger would drag him for a visit.

He didn’t know whether Siwon went to see Heechul every day despite his busy schedule, maybe he was.

“White chocolate,” answering dismissively, Hankyung scooped another spoonful of shaved ice, this time he put it in his own mouth.

“Wouldn’t hyung get bored of that?” Siwon asked, scraping some ice off the bingsu mountain before licking it off his spoon. “We always brought him that.”

“He don’t,” Hankyung answered, scooped some more ice off the dessert then, because he always undermined its base, unintentionally made the bingsu lost balance. The mountain of shaved ice toppled, the chocolate chip ice-cream and some chopped fruits landed ungainly on the tray.

“Really, hyung!” Siwon cried and Hankyung looked at the result of his own blunder with sad eyes.


	3. Chapter 3

Siwon had been sitting reading the Bible coupled with biting his nails in a black company’s van which was parking in the building’s parking space when the opening door brought him back to reality as Hankyung stepped into the van and sat on a seat next to him. He closed the door and the van took off.

“Where us go?” Hankyung asked the manager-hyung who’s sitting in the front seat.

“A restaurant in Gangbuk-gu, it’ll take about an hour,” the manager answered. Hankyung nodded and sat back, his sad eyes were hidden behind the shade.

“You can take a nap if you’d like, hyung,” Siwon said, putting the Bible into his bag; he carried the book with him the whole time and would read at least a chapter a day when he had free time. The Chinese turned to look at him, the confusion that appeared on his beautiful face - even with his eyes hidden - made Siwon realize that Hankyung didn’t understand. He must be sleepy still, it’s very early in the morning after all so his brain couldn’t switch to Korean properly, even with an easy sentence like that. So Siwon tried again, “Aren’t you sleepy? I know you are. It’s a long ride so you can take a nap if you want. You can use my shoulder as a pillow if you don’t mind.”

Longer sentences, Siwon thought he’d made it worse, but Hankyung seemed to understand this time. “You don’t sleep?” He asked then yawned.

“No.” Scooting closer, Siwon pulled him in with his arm and put Hankyung’s head on his shoulder. The Chinese didn’t resist; he adjusted position until he found a relaxed pose then fell asleep fast next to the Korean.

:::::

“How’s the relationship between you and Hankyung?”

Siwon was putting fried rice noodle onto his plate. Their breakfast was a buffet at a restaurant with panorama view on a building in Gangbuk-gu.

“The relationship between me and Hankyung-hyung is something special,” Siwon answered then laughed. “I’m kidding.” He led their way to a table where Hankyung was sitting. “Hankyung-hyung is a really good brother to me.” He put his plate on a place opposite to Hankyung’s seat, the interviewer sat down on a vacant spot.

“Many people can see that the both of you seem so close. Is it true that you guys often go out for movies and meals together?”

“Umm, yes,” Siwon answered, Hankyung would never reply since he could say that he didn’t understand. Why can’t she ask them in Chinese, so that it’d be his turn to have an excuse of not answering? “It’s because I studied Chinese in China before so I could speak in Chinese with him when he doesn’t understand Korean. Hankyung-hyung also taught me a lot of Chinese words and always takes really good care of me. I went to his house and I have to tell you, his mom’s cooking is the best, especially the dumplings, I’ve never eaten any dumplings better than Hankyung-hyung’s mom’s dumplings.” And he looked so proud despite the fact that he’s talking about Hankyung’s mother, not his.

“It’s really good, really,” Hankyung immediately cut in and drew his arms wide to express the greatness that was his mother’s cooking skills, “My mom’s dumplings is good like my dancing.” Siwon and the interviewer laughed.

“I see. But is that included why you guys like to hold hands or hug?”

Siwon felt embarrassed. He looked at Hankyung with the corner of his eyes but the Chinese went back to eating with an unfazed expression, pretending to not understand the question but Siwon knew he understood every word. Holding hands or hug? Doesn’t she know that he likes to kiss Hankyung’s cheek and grab that butt, too? “It’s my way of expressing affections and gratitude towards the members. I know sometimes it seems too much but I’m a straightforward person like that. Since Hankyung-hyung as well as other members always take good care of me, I’d like to express my love in return.”

The interviewer asked them, or actually, him, a couple of questions more before telling them to give some final words about the Timeless music video they starred in as well as for general support of Super Junior then she left. During that time, Hankyung helped him answer only two more questions (one of which he misheard or misunderstood so his answer was irrelevant) and now he’s sitting peeling orange’s skin happily. “You want?” The Chinese put the peeled orange in Siwon’s plate. The tall boy nodded in gratitude before picking it up, peeling off a segment then popping it into his mouth.

Their works continued with solo photoshots at first then couple shots. The repeated sounds of shutter were boring in Siwon’s ears. He smiled, not at the camera which was continuously flashing lights at him, but at Hankyung who’s looking him in the eye and smiling back at him, too. Siwon’s sitting on the edge of a table while Hankyung’s standing with arms resting on the handle of a delivery cart full of plates. They looked at each other like that though kept adjusting poses until the photographer’s satisfied and told them to change positions.

It’s almost noon when the director called it off. Every one applauded. Siwon walked around shaking the crews’ hands and giving them a hug here and there to ‘express his affections and gratitude’, before turning around to hug Hankyung last, his chin’s on the Chinese’s shoulder as his strong arms held the other tightly. “Thank you, Hankyung-hyung, you did well today.”

Hankyung smiled slightly, his arms were around Siwon but not as tight. “You did well, too, Siwon-ssi.”

A wide smile appeared on the handsome boy’s face, Siwon pulled back so that he could see Hankyung’s face clearly, naught glinted in his eyes and the Chinese knew what Siwon’s thinking before he actually spoke, “Give me a reward.” His cheek puffed out cutely on one side, the side that turned towards Hankyung and he tapped it. The older pulled back in panic.

“Many people,” he hissed. Siwon pouted irritatingly, this time puffed out both cheeks.

“Let’s go to the toilet,” he said.

Hankyung squinted at the younger distrustfully but the sincerity in those bright eyes made him put his guard down. He nodded and Siwon let him lead the way to the restroom.

They finished their business then went to wash their hands at the basin, that’s when Hankyung was attacked with a kiss on the cheek.

He kinda knew it’s coming, anyway.

The Chinese looked around quickly. Seeing that there’s no one except them in the restroom, he turned to Siwon, to find that the other’s grinning widely at him.

“Stop it,” he chided.

“Give me a kiss first,” Siwon didn’t comply. Hankyung sighed, he knew he’d not win this argument so he leaned in to give Siwon a kiss on the cheek. The smile on the boy’s face was wider.

Siwon turned Hankyung’s body so that the older would lead their way out of the washroom as he had his arms around his waist from behind.


	4. Chapter 4

Kim Heechul’s back.

On the day that Heechul came home, Hankyung’s in Beijing, participated as a judge in SM China audition. After that Super Junior sans Heechul had to go to Thailand as guests in TVXQ’s concert and also in Kangta & Vanness concert in China later on. It’s basically two weeks later when Hankyung’s back in Seoul so Heechul decided to throw a small yet cozy homecoming party for himself. Besides the permanent residents, which included Hankyung, Kibum, Jay and Seunghwan, Siwon, Leeteuk, Kangin and Donghae also joined them at the dorm.

It’s so noisy, unlike a usual quiet night at this small dorm.

They ordered the food Heechul craved. Well, since he’d mostly eaten hospital’s food for the past month, he had the privilege (it’s ‘his’ small yet cozy homecoming party, after all). They ordered jajangmyeon, kimchi tteok-bokki, bibimbap, dakdoritang, dak-galbi, bulgogi, gamja-tang as well as other things that came out of Heechul’s mouth.

It’s not Heechul’s birthday, but it felt like one.

There were more people than seats at the dining table so they dragged out chairs from every room to use. When everyone’s settled and started picking the food with chopsticks, Hankyung’s the only one left who didn’t have a chair.

“Gege, sit with me,” Siwon offered and Heechul snorted hearing Siwon called the Chinese that. Hankyung obediently walked over and was immediately wrapped in the other boy’s arm and pulled down on Siwon’s lap.

No one looked at them, except for Heechul who eyed them suspiciously from the corner of his eyes.

The party continued noisily, Leeteuk and Kangin tried to fill Heechul in about all the activities they’re having even though it’s not like Heechul didn’t get any updates from any member whosoever took turns visiting him at the hospital. Heechul’s also as loud as usual, the stitches on his tongue had little to no effect on his loose lips.

“Hyung, can I have bulgogi?” Siwon asked Hankyung who’s sitting in his lap. The Chinese practically hindered him from picking food which were far away so it’s down to Hankyung to feed the tall boy. Hankyung leaned over to pinch a piece of beef from bulgogi dish then feed it to Siwon.

“More?” Hankyung asked, Siwon looked around the table.

“Dak-galbi,” he said. Hankyung leaned over again, this time pinched a piece of chicken coupled with some vegetables then put it into Siwon’s mouth.

“Hankyung, I thought I’m the patient here,” Heechul spoke, irritation hidden behind joking façade. Hankyung laughed. It’s not like nobody pampered Heechul, everyone piled food on his plate from here and there, Siwon and Jay who sat on either side of him even turned to feed him now and again.

“What you want to eat, princess?”

“Dak-galbi,” he copied Siwon. Hankyung leaned over to pinch a piece of chicken then put it into Heechul’s mouth which had already been opened waiting for the food.

He turned to look at Siwon as he sat back and found the other boy pouting. “What’s wrong?” Hankyung asked, bemused.

“Can I have gamja-tang?” Siwon asked.

Hankyung complied, others on the table didn’t say a word even though they knew there’s a silent war going on at the table. And as usual, Hankyung didn’t have a clue.

 

After the meal, Siwon announced, “I’ll sleep over here tonight.”

Now, that’s new. Siwon had never slept over at the dorms since he moved to his own house which was actually really close by. Leeteuk, Kangin and Donghae were about to leave, Leeteuk and Kangin to their respective radio shows.

“Where are you going to sleep?” Seunghwan asked. There’s no vacant bed since tonight the dorm was full; Heechul was here (eventually), Jay’s also here. But of course they had spare mattresses.

“Not in my room,” Heechul said immediately. “I’m the patient but it’s not like I need someone looking after me all the time. And if you sleep on the floor, I might trip over your horse-like body when I get up to pee at night and get my other leg fragmented. So, no, thank you.”

“I can sleep in the living room,” Siwon shrugged, and others agreed to that.

When the kitchen was cleansed, the other boys had left, everyone went into their room and the dorm became quiet once more, Siwon sat reading the Bible on the couch, wearing eyeglasses.

Within ten minutes, he finished the 3rd to 5th chapters of Book of John. He actually knew all the story in the whole book anyway and almost remembered them by heart, of course since he’d read it countless times ever since he’s born, yet he always felt more blessed every time after re-reading them. He thanked God for a blessed life, putting the book into his bag before turning on the TV waiting for his turn to shower; it’s an unspoken unanimous agreement that Heechul was the first to shower.

Fifteen minutes later, Hankyung sat down next to him. “What you watching?” He asked.

“Korea Secret Agency.” He referred to an action-comedy drama that starred Eric Mun from Shinhwa and Han Ji Min that’s airing on SBS channel. “You’d already taken a shower, hyung?”

“Yes, Seunghwan-hyung showering now.” Hankyung had a towel around his shoulders.

They sat in silence for a while; Siwon concentrated on the drama, taking note of everyone’s acting skills in his mind. When the broadcast was cut to commercial slots, he turned to Hankyung, “That’s funny.”

But Hankyung had already dozed off.

Why does this hyung always do this to him? Siwon looked at Hankyung whose head was lolling and smiled. He moved to scoop Hankyung up softly, an arm under the Chinese’s nape, another under his kneecaps. Hankyung thrashed a bit so Siwon stopped his movement, the older stopped as well, didn’t wake up.

It’s just ten strides to Hankyung’s room.

Hankyung’s weight meant nothing to Siwon, he opened the door and got to Hankyung’s bed without any incident. Seunghwan’s still in the shower. He put the Chinese down on the soft mattress, took the towel off his shoulder and pulled the cover over him.

Hankyung slept like a log, a beautiful baby log, that is.

Siwon’s about to turn around and walk out of the room then he felt like he forgot something. He turned to look at Hankyung’s slumbering face, contemplating for a moment before leaning down to kiss the older on the forehead.

“Good night, hyung,” Siwon murmured against Hankyung's skin before leaving the room.


	5. Chapter 5

They went to the company’s building; Siwon came from his house but he knew Hankyung would be there as well since they’re on the phone earlier. The tall boy came to receive his schedule while Hankyung for an appointment with Mr. Lee Soo Man, the company CEO, a reason unknown to Siwon.

He just hoped that everything went well for his hyung.

His meeting finished first so Siwon told the manager that he’d wait for Hankyung and took out the Bible to kill time. He’d just finished a chapter of Book of First Corinthains when the Chinese came out of the meeting room. “Is everything okay, hyung?” Siwon asked immediately after seeing that Hankyung looked quite unhappy, his eyes were puffy and red.

“I-“

“Let’s talk elsewhere,” Seunghwan who came out with Hankyung interrupted. “Siwon, won’t you like to take Hankyung to dinner? I have some businesses to finish here. Is it okay if you go only the two of you?”

“Of course.” Siwon looked confused but he knew better than to ask aloud. “Hyung, how about barbecue? I know a new place that’s quiet and has the best beef.” Putting the Bible into his bag then an arm around Hankyung’s waist, he pulled him closer and rubbed him reassuringly, trying to comfort him.

“Yeah, okay,” Hankyung complied, he didn’t look upset now, just sad. Siwon felt his heart constrict in his chest, he didn’t like seeing anyone being sad, let alone Hankyung whom he considered being really close to.

Siwon came with his dad’s Hyundai so he took Hankyung to a nice barbeque place with it. The restaurant was small, cozy and most importantly, had VIP rooms. They went into one and Siwon had never felt more grateful for the privacy. He took it to be his responsibility to order and after the waitress had left them alone, he turned to Hankyung. “Hyung, tell me what happened.” He reached out to grab Hankyung’s hand on the table and squeezed it, looked even more disturbed than the Chinese. “What’s wrong?”

The older hesitated for a bit like he’s battling with himself whether he should talk about it or not. He then eventually decided that he should explain, knowing Siwon wouldn’t stop nagging about it otherwise “It’s visa, Siwonnie,” he said in a low voice, “They say they don’t know because I one Chinese in company. But they can’t change law…” Hankyung looked at the wall next to him because he didn’t want Siwon to see if he cried.

“I’m sure they’d try their best to help you,” Siwon assured..

“I don’t know, Siwonnie,” Hankyung still didn’t look at him. “I think maybe I go home and not come back.”

“Don’t say that!” Siwon cried and darted over to Hankyung’s side of the table. In a heartbeat, faster than lightning, he had Hankyung in his arms. “Don’t say that, hyung,” his voice’s shaking and Hankyung was shocked realizing that Siwon’s on the verge of tears because of him. “I’ll pray for you. I’ll pray and pray and pray. Everything will get better, trust me, God will help you. You’ve already come this far and we’ve been through so much together and I…I love you, hyung! And we’re ‘ba xiong di’, right? Right?” He said ‘sworn brothers’ in Chinese. Hankyung’s the one who taught him the word and he kept saying that for months when they started being ‘sworn brothers’ - that’s years ago when Siwon just came back from studying in Beijing and he felt the need to bond with Hankyung somehow since they’re the only two in the group who could understand each other in Chinese - never mind how crappy his Mandarin was, it’s the thought that counts, right? “Just tell me what I can do for you, hyung, how can I help you? I’ll do anything you ask. But please stay, with us, with Super Junior,” Siwon begged.

“Siwon, calm down,” Hankyung tried to push the boy away but Siwon’s embrace was tighter, he wouldn’t let go.

“Promise me that you’ll stay, and I’ll let go,” he murmured against the other’s shoulder.

“Okay, okay. I stay. Please, Siwon, let me see you.” He pushed Siwon’s shoulders and this time the younger let him. He looked melancholy and his eyes were red on the rim. “Siwon-ah, why you crying?” Hankyung asked in a low voice.

“Because I don’t want you to leave me, I don’t want you to leave us,” he sniffed, all the super-cool-boy image was long gone, in front of Hankyung now was a fragile boy who thought he’s about to lose a hyung he loved. The Chinese sighed, about to say something more, but then the sliding door to their room was opened and the waitress entered with their drinks.

The atmosphere during dinner was gloomy at first but then Siwon tried to cheer him up and Hankyung didn’t let the chance slide; he held onto it like a lifeline. He didn’t want to ruin their relationship now that Siwon’s practically considered his closest member; it used to be Heechul before the accident. Well, it’s not Heechul’s fault anyway, it’s just that he and Siwon who were both always close to Heechul had gotten closer during their best friend/hyung’s absence.

Siwon put the cooked meat in Hankyung’s plate, he kept doing that until they’re piled like a small mountain. “Eat a lot, hyung. You’re too thin these days,” Siwon would say and put more meat in his plate.

Then Hankyung’s phone rang. He fished it out of his pocket, looked at the screen then picked up, “Ni hao.”

“Hankyung-ah, why aren’t you home yet?” Heechul’s lively voice came through the line. Usually when Heechul used this kind of voice, it’s a sign that he wanted Hankyung to do something for him.

“I eating dinner and Siwon-ssi,” Hankyung answered.

The other end was silent for a while like in the middle of processing information, the next sentence Heechul spoke sounded a bit harsher and Hankyung didn’t think he imagined things, “Just the two of you?”

“Yes,” he answered truthfully.

“Will that brat stay over at our place again tonight?” Heechul didn’t sound as happy as he should.

“Don’t know.” The Chinese turned to the other, “Siwon-ah, you stay over tonight?”

Siwon held out his hand in a manner asking for the phone, Hankyung handed it to him. “You miss me, Heechul-hyung?” He asked.

“Pssh!” Hankyung could hear Heechul’s voice from across the table. “Give the phone back to Hankyung!” He ordered. Siwon pouted.

“Why?! Don’t you miss me?!” He’s about to thrash around like another spoiled kid being displeased. Hankyung rolled his eyes, why is his life surrounded by this kind of Koreans? Or are all Koreans childishly crazy like this?

“I do! I do! Aish! Put me back to Hankyung!” Siwon seemed to be satisfied with that answer so he gave the phone back to the Chinese.

“Heechul-ah,” Hankyung said into the receiver. Heechul’s back to his old self, cheerful voice and all,

“Hankyung-ssi, buy me a toothpaste.”

The Chinese raised his brow, absentmindedly picking the pile of meat in his plate. “Use me,” he meant ‘use mine’, and he said it just for the sake of saying it. He knew better than anyone that for Heechul, forbidden fruit is the sweetest so he kinda knew what Heechul’s going to say next. Heechul understood his bad Korean, of course, just like Siwon.

“No! I want a Mashimaro one!” He sounded like a spoiled kid. Hankyung sighed then said with a harsher voice,

“Use me tonight, tomorrow buy you. It’s late and I’m tired.” His words always worked with Heechul, Hankyung knew. It’s not often that he’d refuse Heechul’s bids even though how ridiculous they were sometimes. If it’s the thing he could do, he’d do his best. But if he couldn’t do it, Hankyung would have a good reason for refusal and Heechul’s egoism would abate a bit because it’s Hankyung.

“Yeah, okay,” even though that didn’t sound as willingly, he complied, though his next sentence sounded harsher once again, “Finish your dinner quickly! Come home now!” Then he cut the line.

Hankyung put the phone down on the table before pinching a piece of meat and putting it into his mouth. “What did Heechul-hyung say?” Siwon used tongs to turn a meat on the grill then put it in Hankyung’s plate once more.

“He ask to buy toothpaste but I tell him it’s late. Buy him tomorrow.”

“I could buy it, there’s a convenient store near here,” Siwon immediately volunteered but Hankyung slightly shook his head.

“I say he use me tonight,” he paused, then added, “You don’t indeed him too much, he’s too spoiled.”

Siwon smiled brightly at how Hankyung knew the word ‘spoiled’, nevertheless, “It’s ‘indulge’, not ‘indeed’, hyung!”


	6. Chapter 6

Siwon strutted into the room like it’s his own - everybody must have gotten used to him behaving like that by now – to find Kibum eating snacks in the couch in front of the TV. Next to his feet was a brown paper box.

The boy looked up and greeted him.

“Where’s everybody?” Siwon asked.

“Heechul-hyung is taking a shower, Hankyung-hyung is in his room,” Kibum answered. The tall boy walked over, intending to sit next to the younger on the couch but was distracted by something in the box.

“Kibum-ssi, what’s this?!” He cried in surprise. “It looks just like Yamchae!”

 “Umm, it’s not Yamchae,” Kibum put snacks into his mouth, “It’s Heechul-hyung’s new cat.”

“Where did he get him?” Siwon asked, his eyes sparkled like a kid who just got a new toy and kept staring at the sleeping grey kitten.

“A fan gave Heechul-hyung.”

“What’s his name?” Siwon took his eyes away from the kitten to Kibum.

“HanJayHeeBum.”

“What?!” Siwon cried out. “What’s its name again?!”

“Umm, HanJayHeeBum,” Kibum said in a low voice this time.

Siwon raised his brow. “What does it mean?”

A door-opening sound and both Kibum and Siwon turned around to look: Hankyung chose that moment to come out of his room. He didn’t seem surprised seeing Siwon there just like one of the dwellers. “What you guys doing?” He asked.

“Hankyung-hyung,” Siwon dashed to the newcomer and deathly-gripped the other’s waist with both arms like he liked to do, smiling his Jokerly-handsome-smile, “We’re talking about Heechul-hyung’s new cat,” pulling Hankyung over to the couch in the meantime.

“Oh,” was the only word Hankyung could say as they reached the couch and he could see that the kitten’s starting to wake up because of their noisiness.

“So,” Siwon sat down in the couch with his hand tight-gripping the Chinese’s wrist trying to pull him down next to him but Hankyung resisted, “What’s its name again?” He asked for the third time.

“Err,” Kibum kind of foresaw what’s going to happen if Siwon understood the true meaning of the name and he really didn’t want to be the bringer of this news to Siwon. He glanced at Hankyung asking for some signs but the Chinese didn’t look him in the eyes. “HanJayHeeBum,” so he whispered.

There’s silence when Siwon’s processing this information and the room was silent until everyone could hear their own breathing.  Then Hankyung slowly turned to the tall boy…

Not far from what he thought, Siwon’s brooding. Hankyung immediately turned to Kibum who’d carelessly turned back to the TV. “Where’s Heechul?”

“He’s in the shower,” Kibum answered inattentively. Hankyung sighed and turned to Siwon who’s still scowling at the grey kitten who’d already woken up now and was wagging his tail languidly while looking up with two bright orbs at the tall boy in return.

“Don’t make face…,” Hankyung didn’t even know how to appease someone in Chinese, let alone Korean. Siwon pouted, piteous eyes looked at Hankyung. The older laughed at the other’s cute yet age inappropriate behavior; it’s just because he’s handsome so Hankyung or actually anyone let him get away with it. He ruffled Siwon’s hair, a soft smile appeared on his face as gentle dark eyes looked deep into the younger’s gloomy ones. “Don’t feel slighted, it’s just cat name…”

Siwon almost laughed at how Hankyung knew the meaning of ‘slighted’, nonetheless, “You could say that because your name’s in it.” He stilled acted sulky though he’d already felt better by the way the Chinese tried to console him; it didn’t happen often so Siwon’s doing it just to see how far Hankyung would let him get away with it. Pouting, the tall boy turned away.

Then he felt a kiss on his cheek. “Don’t silky,” Hankyung said and gripped Siwon’s chin, turning his face back to him. He then put his fingers on the corners Siwon’s mouth, trying to lift them up into a smile. This time Siwon laughed out loud, not because of Hankyung’s actions, but because,

“I don’t know whether you’re trying to say ‘silly’ or ‘sulky’, or you did really mean to say ‘silky’, either way, I’ll stop for you.” Wrapping his arms around the older’s waist, he pulled him closer until he could snuggle up against the Chinese’s abs. He felt Hankyung stiffened up a bit before he relaxed.

“You know? I don’t know why I comfit you when it don’t me fault…” Well, that’s partially true: it’s not his idea per se, it’s Kibum, but still he did ask Heechul to add his name into it, and then when Jay came back from the countryside, he’s super jealous that they all had a love child without him so Heechul, as expected of anything Jay ever deigned to ask, put Jay’s name into it, too.

He would’ve asked Heechul to put Siwon’s name into it as well but the kitten’s name was ridiculously long already, and he also didn’t have any excuse because technically Siwon’s not an occupant of this dorm. He kind of knew Heechul wouldn’t let Siwon had his way with everything he wanted only just to spite him because he always thought Siwon had everything already, and he guessed Siwon knew that, too, that’s why he didn’t ask.

Siwon laughed against the older’s belly, arms even tighter. Then he looked affectionately up at the older’s face, his chin against the other’s stomach. “It’s ‘comfort’, hyung!”

 

Kibum looked at the two hyungs in silence; he didn’t think peace would return here any time soon and it’d get even worse when Heechul came out of the bathroom, that hyung was super loud. Kibum had just decided to flee to his room when the kitten cried, “Meow.”

Kibum turned to the cat and their eyes met; the bright dark orbs were looking at him like asking him not to leave him alone. Kibum smiled slightly at that thought, he looked up at the two hyungs and found that they’re both looking at the kitten: Siwon still looked unhappy while Hankyung looked discomfit especially when being wrapped in the younger’s arms like right now, and with that Kibum decided that he should really take HanJayHeeBum to his room with him. He understood why Siwon’s sulky: he felt left out, and at the rate things were going, Siwon might silently murder the kitten and Hankyung would turn a blind eye to it. Heechul would definitely kill him for not looking after the kitten properly when he actually asked him to and let him get murdered on the first day during a small window period that he left her for a shower.

 “Good night, hyungs,” Kibum said and took the box with him as he went into his room. The two hyungs said good night back. Heechul would have to come and pick the kitten up from his room then but at least that’s better than a dead pet and he could say that he actually looked after him, just as he was asked.

He looked at HanJayHeeBum as he closed the door to his room and could have sworn he saw the kitten’s evil smile.


	7. Chapter 7

Siwon’s flight back from Hong Kong landed at the airport in time for dinner. He’d been to ‘A Battle of Wits’ premiere with other famous co-stars like Andy Lau, Nicky Wu and Fan Bingbing. He knew he’s still far below their league so he’s totally nervous since it’s his first international project and he felt really fortunate and grateful.

He thanked God every day for it.

The company’s car that picked them up went to send him to his house. His parents, mostly his mom, wanted to hear about his experience at his first movie premiere. So after arriving at home and taking a shower, he had dinner at the dining room with his family, reciting all the valuable experience: how much he thanked God for the opportunity and how he would pray for a chance to do something big like that again. All the while during dinner he kept being distracted by his phone which mostly didn’t do anything; it’s not even vibrating, let alone ringing, and that seemed to annoy Siwon to no end and made him keep glancing at it even more often.

It’s late and he kissed his parents and his little sister good night, he didn’t feel tired that much even though he’d been working a lot these couple of days. He took off his casual outfit and changed into pajamas, eyes still kept looking at his phone screen, it’s still pitch dark.

He went into his room and sat in a couch, took out the Bible and finished a couple of chapters, this time it’s Book of James. After that he turned on the TV, browsing through channels after channels without really watching anything; he didn’t have the heart to.

His mind’s on the phone call that never came.

Midnight, and the tall boy sighed. Slowly getting up, he turned off the light before walking over to his bed and kneeling down on the carpeted floor next to it. Stapling his hands, he put them against the edge of the bed, closed his eyes and prayed.

He prayed for his whole family, for them to have healthy and prosperous lives. He prayed for the members, to be loved and successful. Especially, he prayed for Hankyung; God, please give him strength to get through all the troubles even though he’s not a Christian, not yet, anyway, though he’d been trying to convert him since they knew each other and he made sure Hankyung had the Bible in his bedside table. God, please make all his sadness go away, please bless him a fortunate life. Even though he’s not a Christian (not yet, anyway), Hankyung’s a nice hyung to him and he’d been working really hard. And he’d pray harder to show that he’s really grateful for his blessed life and to compensate for Hankyung’s part (he’d become Christian soon enough, God), I’ll pray for his part so please help him.

Oh, and he didn’t forget to pray for Stella, too, for her to be protected by God and be happy.

After Siwon had finished his daily before-bed ritual, he flopped onto the bed. The sheets and cover were made of silk but they felt so cold. It’s not that he didn’t like his home, he loved his family but sometimes he felt like the couch in Hankyung’s dorm was homier than his lonely bed. Talking about Hankyung…,

Siwon turned to look at his phone again, it’s lying quietly on his bedside table. The boy pulled the cover over himself up to his chin, lying on the side yet his eyes were still wide staring in the dark at the darker screen of his phone.

During past weeks, on the days they didn’t meet, Hankyung would always call him before he went to sleep, well, it’s actually Siwon’s request for the hyung to call him every day. He wanted to make sure Hankyung knew that he’d always be there for him. They’d talk around 15-20 minutes, telling each other about their days or other random stuff, mostly about the members’ hilarious antics, and then Siwon would go to sleep with a sweet dream.

It’s certain that Hankyung must forget to call him today, or maybe he thought Siwon’s still in Hong Kong? But Siwon had already told him last night that he’d arrive back in Seoul today, at five o’clock to be precise. But that’s not a good enough excuse, Hankyung could call him in Hong Kong, like last night and the night before, and even if he’s in Antarctica, it’s still not a good enough excuse anyway.

Or it might be that Hankyung had been working really hard today and was so tired that he fell asleep the minute his head hit the pillow.

Siwon tried to tell himself that instead of admitting that Hankyung might actually forget to call him.

Because, he had to admit, that hurt.

He kept staring at his phone in the dark for a while more before falling asleep.

:::::

“Why didn’t you call me last night?”

The first sentence Hankyung heard as Siwon walked into the dorm made him startled. His mouth was slightly opened, his dark eyes that’s looking at the younger was blank. It took him ten seconds to process the information and to realize how true Siwon’s words were; he recalled that last night he went out for dinner with Heechul, Jay, Jungmo and Kangin. He came back quite drunk and fell asleep right after he took a shower.

He totally forgot to call Siwon.

A dry smile appeared on the Chinese’s face, a smile of someone who knew he’s guilty and was asking for a pardon. “I forget…Siwonnie, I’m sorry.”

Siwon’s still sulky, he put his bag down on the couch. Hankyung’s about to walk to the kitchen but the younger suddenly grabbed his arm and pulled him until he stumbled onto Siwon’s laps, the younger’s other arm immediately wrapped around him to make sure he couldn’t get away. “Why didn’t you call me last night?” The same question that required a different answer. Siwon’s nose snuggled up against the Chinese’s shoulder blade. Hankyung turned to look at Siwon and their eyes met; he saw melancholy in them and felt guilt-ridden to the max.

“Siwon-ah, yesterday I’m tired. I come to dorm at midnight and sleep,” Hankyung tried to give an excuse but he’d better left the part about his drinking unsaid. Siwon still didn’t seem to satisfy.

“Didn’t you miss me?” He asked dejectedly, his voice’s muffled against Hankyung’s shoulder.

“I miss you, yes!” He’s anxious now. Siwon’s nose moved to the Chinese’s nape and he shivered as he felt the younger’s hot breathes on his skin.

“Hankyung-hyung, why didn’t you call meeee?” Siwon cried childishly and Hankyung couldn’t take it anymore.

“Siwon-ssi, I’m really, really, really, sorry. Tell me what you want me to do, I do anything for you.” He tried to untangle Siwon’s arms around his waist but the octopus-like grip tightened immediately. Siwon’s quiet now and Hankyung didn’t feel good about this. “Siwon?”

“Anything at all?” Siwon asked against his nape and Hankyung shivered again.

“Umm, yes?” He answered hesitantly, “What you want me to do?” And he’s a bit afraid now about what the younger had in mind. Siwon laughed.

“You don’t have to sound so scared, Gege-hyung,” his voice’s like an alluring trap, tempting him to get closer by its gorgeous features.

“What is it?” Hankyung asked nervously.

“You know what I want you to do,” Siwon said cryptically.

“What?” Hankyung asked again.

The younger sighed then said, “Kiss me.”

Hankyung’s quiet for a moment; for a while there he thought Siwon might ask him to do something weirder, but this was easy. It’s not like he’d never kissed Siwon before; they did that all the time, didn’t they? “Okay,” he answered then turned his head around so he could kiss Siwon on the cheek.

Siwon pecked him on the lips the second Hankyung faced him.

Hankyung’s frozen on the spot. Siwon looked him in the eye - the Chinese’s were full of shock - and smiled triumphantly. Hankyung felt his face reddened and immediately turned away, his heart beat so hard in his chest as he tried to flee from the crime scene but Siwon’s arms were still around his waist. “Let go, Siwon-ssi,” he protested, his voice’s hoarse and shaking and his face reddened even further.

What is he thinking anyway? Why does he have to be abashed?

“Why?” Siwon asked, suddenly became stubborn again. “Are you angry?”

“No,” Hankyung replied, still trying to get away. “Let go.”

“No!” Siwon’s hug became tighter. “Hyung, look at me.”

The Chinese’s still for a couple of seconds, then he took in a deep breath and turned back to Siwon. Their eyes met and Siwon, pouting, tried to find a trace of….anything in Hankyung’s eyes. He looked despondently repentant and the Chinese immediately forgave him for everything. “You’re not angry at me, right?” The younger asked uncertainly.

“Of course not, Siwon-ssi,” Hankyung answered softly and Siwon’s forlorn face suddenly lit up into a wide smile - a smile that made the Chinese’s heart skip a beat. He had to avert his eyes from the younger’s again.

“Let me go now?” he murmured.

“What are you going to do?” Siwon still didn’t want to let go.

“Cook lunch.”

“What are you going to cook?” The tall boy put his chin on Hankyung’s shoulder.

“I don’t know. What you want to eat, Siwonnie?” And Hankyung could perfectly imagine Siwon’s victorious smile behind him.

“Beijing fried rice!” He answered happily.


	8. Chapter 8

Why Hankyung and him?

Siwon asked himself for the nth time that day. He’s sitting in the dressing room, reading the Bible - Book of First Timothy - while waiting for his turn. They’d already taken group shots and were taking turns shooting solo shots. After Siwon had finished his turn, he thought that he’s done for the day and could go home already when a manager told him that he had to wait for Hankyung to photoshoot their couple shots together.

Why it’s Hankyung and him that had to photoshoot together? That’s the question. Management told them that the concept of Super Junior’s 2007 calendar was a member a month and all of them would have their solo shots. Though he got it that since they had 13 members while there were only 12 months per year, there might be a month that had two members, he had been kinda assuming that graphic designers would manage that eventually by putting one of them on December 2006 or January 2008 or something to accommodate all of them on the same concept.

Let’s assume that they didn’t intend to do that, Siwon still wondered why it had to be him and the Chinese. Though it might actually mean nothing - like his solo photoshots sucked (of course, it couldn’t be that. He’d been modeling long before anyone in the group so he didn’t think that was it.) - the two of them might have been randomly picked out of thirteen without particular reasons, still, Siwon doubted that anything SM Entertainment did wouldn’t have hidden agenda.

A crew appeared at the door of the dressing room. “Siwon-ssi, your turn in five minutes.” Hankyung was currently the one on the set so Siwon put the Bible away. He walked over to a man-sized mirror to adjust his suit and tie, a coordi noona came to touch up his face and checked his overall image, then he walked out of the room to the edge of the set and waited there, shoulder and head against the wall and arms crossing over his chest while watching Hankyung doing his solo shots.

He looked fragile, that’s practically the only thing Siwon could think of while watching Hankyung there. E.L.Fs and even the members always thought of Hankyung as a vigorous eagle with his graceful dance moves and everything, but knowing Hankyung - and Siwon dared say that he’s one of the two Super Junior members who knew the Chinese better than anyone (the other was Heechul, like everyone didn’t know that already) - in Siwon’s eyes, Hankyung’s like fragile glass that needed to be handled with care, otherwise he would break.

And if he breaks, his pieces could cut you.

“Okay. That’s enough, Hankyung-ssi,” the photographer said and Hankyung smiled tiredly and delightedly at the same time realizing the photoshooting had finished. He bowed in thankfulness but could do only half-way before he’s interrupted, “Oh, sorry, you’re not finished yet. Director wants you to do couple shots with Siwon-ssi.”

Hankyung looked confused. Siwon walked over to him in the set, smiling. “You’ll be taking photoshots with me, hyung,” he said, hands reaching out automatically to Hankyung’s tie which was a bit askew and then Hankyung’s forehead to flick the stray golden-brown fringe off his eyes. Hankyung looked Siwon in the eye and the younger could literally see thoughts flitting through the Chinese’s mind. He’s silence for a moment, then,

“I see, 12 months,” he murmured.

Siwon doubted that’s what Hankyung’s actually thinking.

:::::

“Turn to look at each other.”

Hankyung turned to look at Siwon who’s standing next to him. Their eyes met then Siwon smiled slightly at him and Hankyung felt his heart staggered. Lights from the camera kept flashing at them while they adjusted poses but still kept their eyes locked. It’s been more than five minutes that they stared at one another like that under a black umbrella that Siwon’s holding.

Why Siwon and him?

Hankyung wondered why management picked Siwon and him to photoshoot together. Don’t get him wrong, it’s not like he minded or anything, on the contrary, Siwon’s one of his best brothers here in Super Junior and he’s really grateful for everything the younger had done to him since the first day they met, it’s pure curiosity that made him wonder why they picked Siwon and him out of thirteen of them. It might be random, but knowing the company for four years, Hankyung doubted anything SM Entertainment did would be random; they wouldn’t be number one in Korean entertainment industry otherwise.

“Okay, now look away from each other. How about holding your hands out to feel the rain?” The photographer said. Siwon held his hand out while Hankyung looked at him confusedly, didn’t know what to do next. He didn’t quite understand the order.

“Do like me,” Siwon said and nodded as Hankyung held his hand out from under the shade, acting like feeling the falling rain.

They took this pose for another two minutes, then, “Okay, this time no umbrella.” Siwon handed the umbrella to a staff and started posing without a prop. “Try walking past each other then turn to look at the other.”

Hankyung turned to walk past the younger while Siwon did the same. At the moment when they’re about to pass, Siwon held out his hand to catch Hankyung on the shoulder, they stopped and looked at one another. Siwon’s bright eyes stared into the Chinese’s beautiful orbs like he could see through all the sadness to the depth of his soul.

Hankyung ignored how his heart skipped a beat, again.

It took about an hour before the director call it off. Siwon and Hankyung walked into the dressing room, changed and packed their bags, ready to go back. There were only the two of them left, Heechul and Kibum had finished their shooting and gone back to the dorm; it’s no good for Heechul to wait when he’s still recovering. Others who lived in the other dorm had no reason to wait for them.

“Let’s have dinner,” Siwon said, it’s already late and he’s hungry.

“Sure,” the Chinese answered and smiled.


	9. Chapter 9

Siwon’s having dinner at an upscale Chinese restaurant in Gangnam-gu, on his right was his parents while on his left was Stella as well as her parents. They’re in a VIP room, on the round table were all the restaurant’s most expensive menus: Peking duck, shark-fin soup, lobster, et cetera.

Stella often traveled back and forth between Korea and the states; during summer breaks she always came to Korea for training while spending the rest of the year studying in the states. Now her school in New Jersey was closed for winter break so she and her parents came back for a while, hence a good opportunity for the two families to meet up. This wasn’t the first time the two families had dinner together and their parents seemed to be having a really good time chatting non-stop with one another.

Siwon pinched the lobster with his chopsticks and put the meat on Stella’s plate just like he’d been doing the whole evening. Stella said ‘thank you’ to him in a low voice. Siwon turned to her, their eyes met and the girl smiled. “They missed one another more than us,” she nodded at their parents. Siwon turned to look at them and smiled at their acquaintances; they actually seemed to enjoy the meeting more than them. Siwon knew Stella would prefer a quiet time at a quiet café with him to this, but Siwon’s actually quite like family outing since he didn’t have time to spend with them much. He then turned back to Stella and asked,

“What did you mean by that? How do you know how much I missed you?”

“I don’t know, you tell me,” Stella countered, her eyes sparkled challengingly. Siwon laughed.

“I missed you a lot, of course you know that.” He put his hand on Stella’s and squeezed reassuringly.

“But not enough to call me every day,” she murmured. Siwon frowned.

“I had a lot of work, sometimes I even hadn’t time to sleep properly. You need to understand.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” She didn’t want to fight, not in front of their parents especially so she squeezed Siwon’s hand back before pulling hers away, turning back to eating.

The plates were almost empty when Siwon’s phone rang. “Annyeong,” he answered happily, Stella made a sidelong glance at him.

“Siwon-ssi, where are you?” Hankyung asked from the other end of the line, he sounded exhausted.

“At a restaurant in Gangnam, having dinner with family.” He used chopsticks to pick at the food in his plate absentmindedly. “What about you, hyung?” He then looked at his watch, it’s almost ten. “Where are you? Are you at the dorm?”

“Finish record, going back to dorm,” he replied in a low voice.

“Have you eaten?”

“Umm, no.”

“Hmm? It’s late.” Siwon frowned. “Are you gonna cook?”

“Maybe not, I’m tired.” And he sounded really tired.

“Then what are you going to eat? Do you want me to buy you something?”

“Hmm…,” Hankyung’s quiet for a moment. “You coming?”

“If you want me to,” Siwon answered and he could feel Stella actually looking at him now.

“It’s okay, Siwon-ssi. It’s late,” Hankyung tried to refuse half-heartedly.

“But you haven’t eaten,” the younger argued, “And you don’t sound that good, are you sick?”

“Umm…,” Hankyung trailed off and right then Siwon knew the answer – the real answer. “Not,” the Chinese murmured.

“You are sick, aren’t you?” Siwon’s voice suddenly became serious and loud. Their parents turned to look at him so he slightly bowed apologetically. He lowered his voice and used his hand to cover his mouth as he threatened, “Don’t lie to me.” Hankyung fell ill easily these days, that’s a reason Siwon didn’t like letting him out of sight; he didn’t know how to take care of himself properly and his fragility screamed for Siwon to look after him.

“I’m…,” Hankyung paused, looking for the right word, “heartache,” he said.

Siwon almost laughed out loud at Hankyung’s perfectly wrong vocabulary but he resisted. It’s serious matter now, he told himself. “Do you have a cold?” He asked worriedly.

“A few,” he meant ‘a bit’, but anyway.

“I’ll be right there, hyung. See you at the dorm,” he didn’t want to hang up, really, because he’s worried sick about the Chinese, but he had to, he had to politely excuse himself from the table. So he hung up and turned to everyone whose eyes were already on him. “A member-hyung is sick and haven’t eaten yet, I think I should pay him a visit and buy something for him. I’m deeply sorry that I have to leave now when we haven’t finished dinner yet,” so he said. Stella’s parents replied unanimously that it’s fine even though his parents’ gaze seemed quite unapproved. Siwon pursed his lips, he knew he’s impolite and he’s repentant but he really needed to go, he’d compensate for them later. He then turned to Stella who’s brooding, squeezing her hand, “I’m so sorry, I really need to go.”

Stella still looked unhappy, she pulled her hand off and turned away from Siwon. The tall boy pursed his lips. “I’ll call you later tonight.”

Then he hurriedly walked out of the restaurant.

:::::

Siwon arrived at the dorm almost half an hour later after quickly dropping by a small restaurant to buy samgye-tang - ginseng chicken soup. Parking his Audi, he hastily walked across the parking space then along the familiar corridor. He got in and found the room totally in darkness. Was there actually anyone here?

Siwon turned on the light in the kitchen, put the soup on the dining table then friskily walked over to Hankyung’s bedroom. He quietly opened the door and turned on the light, to see Hankyung’s sleeping in bed, the blanket covered him up to his chin. The usually sad yet beautiful eyes were closed as the Chinese’s sleeping with his back to the door. Siwon walked over to sit down on the edge of the bed and put the back of his hand on Hankyung’s forehead; he’s practically blazing.

He frowned. Hankyung’s in a deep sleep but he needed to be woken up to eat something and taking the pills. “Hankyung-hyung,” Siwon gently shook him, he pulled the cover off revealing the Chinese’s body which was still clad in a casual outfit curling up like a shrimp, arms around himself. Siwon could feel the heat radiating off the older’s body. Hankyung shifted a bit in his sleep like he felt colder when he didn’t have the cover anymore, but he rubbed the warmth in his arms then fell back to sleep. “Hankyung-hyung, you need to wake up to eat something.” Siwon didn’t relent; he shook the sleeping Chinese harder.

This time it worked, Hankyung shifted again then curled up even further, arms around his folded legs. “Cold, mama,” he murmured in Chinese but Siwon understood. The Korean felt a tug at his heartstrings; it’s an indescribable feeling and Siwon’s eyes teared up unknowingly.

“Gege,” he leaned in until his lips were so close to the older’s cheek and called his Chinese nickname so that he might feel like he’s in China with his mom. But his Chinese was limited so he said the rest in Korean, obviously, “Please wake up so you could take some medicines.” Siwon put an arm around Hankyung’s body, the other arm rubbed the older’s forearm to alleviate the heat, his face then snuggled up into the crook of the other’s hot and clammy neck, Hankyung had sweated so much and he still said he’s cold. “Do you feel warmer?” He asked gently against the older’s neck.

“Umm…,” Hankyung squirmed in Siwon’ arms, “…my heart, it hurt…,” he mumbled.

“I know, I know. You need to take the medicines.” Siwon brushed Hankyung’s hair off his sweaty forehead. “You’re burning.” He gently supported the other to sit up, Hankyung’s limping in his arms. The tall boy didn’t even hesitate when putting an arm under Hankyung’s kneecap and lifting him up.

“Umm…,” Hankyung thrashed in protest but of course he couldn’t fight Siwon’s strength. The younger kicked the bedroom door which he’d left ajar to open wider and slid through. He put Hankyung down on the couch.

Siwon poured the soup into a bowl and put it on the coffee table in front of Hankyung. He helped the Chinese who had been lying down on the sofa to sit up then sat down next to him. The tall boy scooped the soup with a spoon and took it before Hankyung’s lips. “Open your mouth,” he said.

Hankyung complied, he ate in silence while Siwon kept feeding him, though not long before he could eat no longer and pushed Siwon’s hand which’s holding the spoon in front of his mouth away. “Water…,” he mumbled.

Siwon got up to fetch a glass of warm water and the medicines. After giving them to Hankyung, he went somewhere and came back with a bowl of cold water and a head towel. Sitting back down next to the Chinese, he dipped the towel into the water then gently mopped Hankyung’s face. The older leaned his head on Siwon’s shoulder, closed his eyes and sighed softly, and even though that position made it harder for Siwon to mop his face properly, Siwon didn’t have the heart to resist him.

“You need to change your clothes, hyung,” Siwon said after he finished with the mopping; he’d wiped Hankyung everywhere he could in this position: his face, neck and arms.

“Okay…,” Hankyung slowly sat up straight. Siwon grabbed his arm and softly put him against the backrest.

“I’ll get the pajamas for you,” he said then got up and disappeared into Hankyung’s room, coming back with the other’s fresh pajamas. Sitting back down, Siwon held out his hands to take the Chinese’s shirt off but Hankyung immediately swatted his hands away, pulling back startlingly.

“What you doing?” The Chinese asked, eyes wide.

Siwon looked even more surprised than him. “Changing your clothes.”

Hankyung felt his cheeks heated up further, if that’s even possible. “I change me.” He snatched the pajamas from Siwon’s laps, suddenly stood up, and, not unexpectedly, staggered.

“Woah, woah, slow down.” Siwon lurched to catch him in time. “Where are you going?”

“Bathroom.”

“You can change here,” Siwon protested.

“I want…pee.”

So Siwon escorted him to the bathroom. He’s even about to enter with him when Hankyung suddenly closed the door in his face and locked it. Siwon stood there, still confused.

It’s as he’d been standing there with his arms across his chest that the rest of the residents arrived.

“Siwonnie, why are you standing in front of the bathroom?” Heechul asked. He’d been out shooting a drama now that he could walk. Coming back with him was Kibum as well as Seunghwan.

“Hankyung-hyung is sick. He’s in there.” Siwon nodded at the door.

“Hankyung’s sick?!” Heechul’s voice escalated, “And you left him alone in the bathroom?!”

“He didn’t let me in!” Siwon cried. “What could I do?!”

“What’s he doing in there?!”

“He said he’s going to change clothes and pee.”

“How long have he been in there?”

Siwon had the gall to look abashed. “More than five minutes.”

“Five minutes?!” Heechul cried. “Haven’t he slipped and gotten his head hit with the sink and bled to death yet?!” Siwon paled as he immediately thought of a million accidents that could happen to a clumsy limping Hankyung in a slippery bathroom. Heechul grunted, storming over to where Siwon’s standing, he pushed the tall boy away and hammered the door.

“Hankyung! Open the door!”

They heard Hankyung’s voice from inside and Siwon secretly sighed in relief, at least he’s still alive. Hankyung’s words sounded like Chinese but even if they’re Korean no one could understand him with that accent through the door. “What did you say?!” Heechul almost barked at the door.

Hankyung said something again, his voice sounded hoarse and tired and Siwon felt a tug at his heartstrings again. He wanted to tell Heechul to stop making Hankyung shout back but he knew it wouldn’t stop Heechul. “What are you doing in there?!” Heechul asked again.

This time Hankyung didn’t answer. There’s silence for a couple of seconds then they heard a distinct flushing sound and Siwon realized what he’d been doing. He drew back from the door, let the noisy hyung be the one to take the blow.

As he’d expected, the door’s pulled open in the next second and Hankyung stood there, eyes blazing. He looked justly angry, Siwon made another step backwards automatically. “What the fuck’s going on here?!” He sounded angry as well. Hankyung had never used curse words with him, but maybe he used them all the time with Heechul; of course it’s Heechul who taught him all those indecent things. “I can’t poop quiet?! Annoying!”

Siwon found it funny watching Heechul speechlessly standing there being yelled at by Hankyung; he’d never seen Heechul relented to anyone before, not even Leeteuk (definitely not Leeteuk). He’d actually like to see how the scene would play out but Siwon, chivalrous as he was, immediately stepped in to protect his other beloved hyung. “Heechul-hyung’s just very worried about you, please don’t be mad at him.”

The Chinese sighed. “You happy now that I don’t dead? Can I take a shower?” He’s about to close the door again but Siwon immediately pushed it back.

“You’re going to take a shower?” He sounded worried. “But you’re sick!”

“That I know.” He looked headstrong. “I want take a shower.”

So Siwon couldn’t do anything except drawing his hand away but still stood there waiting for Hankyung to come out. Heechul had disappeared into the kitchen but Siwon knew the hyung would return as soon as he heard the bathroom door open. Kibum walked over with HanJayHeeBum in his arms. “How’s Hankyung-hyung?” He asked while scratching the kitten’s chin. HanJayHeeBum’s eyes were closed, she looked annoyingly too content.

“He had a cold,” Siwon answered.

“Has he taken the pills?”

“Yes.”

Hankyung came out of the bathroom ten minutes later in his pajamas. Siwon dashed to him, his lips pursed as their eyes met and held for a couple of second before Hankyung averted his away. “What?” The Chinese mumbled.

“Nothing.” Siwon touched Hankyung’s cheek with the back of his hand to check the temperature, it’d gotten quite better after the food, the pills and the shower.

“Hankyung-ah,” Heechul returned with a peace offering in hand, “I warmed you a milk.” He handed the mug to the Chinese, Hankyung took it with a hand that’s not holding his clothes.

“HanJayHeeBum milk?” He sniffed. Heechul hit him on the arm, forgot for a moment that Hankyung’s sick.

“Of course not, you idiot!”

The Chinese snickered and sipped the hot milk while looking at Heechul over the rim of the mug. Heechul still stood there, waiting. “Thank you,” Hankyung said after a sip, “Don’t HanJayHeeBum milk.” He meant it’s not HanJayHeeBum’s milk, Heechul smiled indulgently.

“Do you feel better yet?”

“Yeah,” Hankyung made his way to the kitchen, Siwon took the clothes from his hand and the towel from his shoulder to put them away in the basket and on the rack respectively for him. Heechul followed.

“You should sleep, it’s midnight,” his voice sounded gentle and he didn’t use this voice with many people.

“I am, after I wash mug.” He put the empty mug in the sink. Heechul grabbed his wrist.

“I’ll do that, of course, idiot,” he chided affectionately. “Let’s get you to bed.” And he dragged the Chinese to the bedroom. Siwon returned and followed them into Hankyung’s bedroom quietly.

Seunghawn’s in there, preparing to take a bath. “You’re sure you don’t want to see a doctor?” He asked Hankyung as the three of them entered.

“I’m fine,” Hankyung replied.

Heechul took Hankyung to his bed and push him down on it, his hand moved up to gently touch the Chinese under his jaw. “Good night, Hannie,” then he kissed him on the cheek.

“Good night, Heechul-ah,” Hankyung replied. Heechul smiled softly before turning away, grabbing Siwon’s wrist on the way out to drag the other out with him.

“I’ll get out later,” Siwon resisted. Heechul gave him a weird look before letting the other go and walking out alone.

Siwon stepped over to Hankyung’s bed and sat down on the edge, the Chinese’s sitting crossed-legs in the middle of it and was applying night-time beauty products which he’d just taken out of his night table cabinet on his face. Siwon had been looking at him with a smile on his face when Seunghwan interrupted, “You can take my bed tonight if you’d like, Siwon-ssi.”

Siwon looked up in surprise. “What about you, Seunghwan-hyung?”

“I can sleep on the couch.”

“Why would you do that?” Siwon’s bewildered. “Of course, I won’t take your bed and let you sleep on the couch. It’s your bed.”

“So that you can look after Hankyung during the night. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I don’t want to look after him. But I know you want that more than me, so take it.” Seunghwan’s making his way out of the room with pajamas and a bag of beauty products in hand to imply that this conversation had finished. “Good night, Siwon-ssi, Hankyung-ssi.”

During that time Hankyung had been listening in silence. “Good night, Seunghwan-hyung,” he said and Siwon murmured the same thing.

There’s a pause as Hankyung looked at the younger silently, Siwon’s staring at the sheets then he suddenly stood up and sprinted out of the room.

“Seunghwan-hyung,” Siwon caught up to the other at the living room. Seunghwan had just put his bag down on the coffee table, he looked up at Siwon in surprise. “Thank you,” Siwon said and the manager smiled.

“No problem.”

When Siwon came back into the bedroom, Hankyung had already laid down with the cover up to his, chin. He’s sleeping with his back to the door again, and since Seunghwan’s bed was further into the room, he’s sleeping facing the other bed. Siwon walked over to sit down on the edge of Seunghwan’s bed facing Hankyung’s. The Chinese’s eyes were closed and it seemed like he fell asleep the second his head hit the pillow; he must be really tired.

Siwon intended to take a bath before going to sleep so that he wouldn’t make Seunghwan’s bed dirty. Nevertheless, he didn’t want to disturb the residents more than he had to, so he’d have to wait a long way before it’s his turn. He’s about to take out the Bible to kill time when the Chinese murmured, “Cold…”

Siwon frowned, his temperature must still be higher than usual. The heater was on but if he adjusted the temperature, it’d affect the whole dorm and he didn’t think the others were cold right now, Siwon found it quite hot actually.

Then he had an idea.

Just for tonight, and he’d move the bed back to its same spot tomorrow.

He lifted one side of the bed up from the floor and slowly dragged it across the not-so-wide space between his and Hankyung’s. It made a scraping sound against the wooden floor but in a couple of seconds, it’s almost done. He then untucked the covers of both Hankyung’s and Seunghwan’s beds from under the mattresses on the sides that faced the other, and after that walked around to the other side of the bed to push it for the final-foot wide. He hesitated a bit before decided to untuck this side of the cover as well.

Siwon softly climbed into bed. Their beds were attached now and even though they’re still technically separated, he’s still afraid his instant movement might startle the other awake. Then he slid himself under the untucked cover and shifted, softly, to Hankyung.

He adjusted the covers until his was on top Hankyung’s and then he’s under Hanyung’s cover as well as he shifted until his body was in the middle of their joined beds, mostly on Hankyung’s side, actually. He put an arm around the other’s body and snuggled up against him. To his surprise, Hankyung immediately scooted closer; his unconscious body might feel Siwon’s heat so he instinctively came and got it. Siwon smiled as he looked at the other’s beauteous sleeping face. He hadn’t turned off the light yet because he planned to go out to take a bath later, but before he realized, he fell asleep while looking at Hankyung’s face with the other in his arm.

He didn’t take a shower that night.

He also forgot to pray.

And also forgot to call Stella like he’d told her.


	10. Chapter 10

Siwon woke up with Hankyung in his arms.

The first thought that flitted across his mind was, ‘Where am I?’.

And then he remembered, he’s in Hankyung’s room. The next thought was that last night he went to sleep without a prayer and he felt particularly sinful. Also, he didn’t take a shower, or wash his face or brush his teeth for that matter.

The light had been turned off, Seunghwan must have come in during the night and turned it off and Siwon felt ashamed letting the manager see his bed being ruined like that. The room’s not as dark now since it’s already morning; dim sunlight’s streaming in through the thin-curtained windows so Siwon could see Hankyung clearly.

The Chinese had snuggled up against him, his curled hand’s against Siwon’s chest and his head’s in the crook of Siwon’s neck. It’s warm under the covers with their shared heat and Siwon didn’t really want to move away from his hyung, let alone get up. Nonetheless, he shifted so he could look Hankyung in the face; the Chinese’s still sleeping soundly, his breathes were even and those lips looked so enticing that Siwon wanted to lean in to capture them with his.

He didn’t, though, afraid that his action would awake Hankyung, so he just lay there staring at the sleeping Chinese, for how long, he didn’t know. It’s only when he caught himself smiling while staring that he decided he should get up.  Walking out of the room, he made a mental note that he’d arrange Seunghwan’s bed when Hankyung had already woken up.

He found Seunghwan at the couch. "How’s Hankyung-ssi?" The manager asked, he’d already dressed up for the day, ready for work, even though his job was practically an around-the-clock Super Junior’s babysitter.

"He hasn’t woken up yet," Siwon replied, "And sorry I ruined your bed like that, I’d make it as soon as Hankyung-hyung wake up."

"Don’t worry about it." Seunghwan waved his hand dismissively. "Let him sleep in for the day, he needs rest anyway, having been working non-stop for many days in a row. I’d already called in sick for him. Unfortunately, I don’t think they’ll let you skip today’s schedule as well."

“That’s alright, Seunghwan-hyung. Thank you.”

“No, I couldn’t thank you enough,” Seunghwan said. “Thank you, Siwon-ssi, for looking after Hankyung-ssi, for taking care of him. If it isn’t for you, we wouldn’t have known what to do.”

Siwon frowned. “What do you mean?”

“You know about his visa problem, his struggle in Korea, his homesickness,” Seunghwan explained, “You’d been living alone in China, you know how hard it could be to have to struggle in a different country, to try to understand different culture among foreign people with a language that isn’t your own. You probably know all these pressures better than anyone else, you know how hard he’s been fighting until this day…,” Siwon’s involuntarily holding his breath waiting for whatever’s to come. “I think one of the reasons he keeps fighting is you.”

Siwon blinked. “What?”

“He thinks of you as a brother, Siwon. I don’t know what he thinks of other members but you, for him you’re his brother. Not just a hyung and dongsaeng, but a family.” Siwon forgot to breathe again. “So thank you for always being by his side, Siwon-ssi, and I’m not only talking about last night when he overworked himself until he got sick and was in need of someone to take care of him, I’m talking about every time, everywhere. If it isn’t for you, he’d never be this strong.”

Siwon didn’t know what to say, he felt his heart swelled in his chest with an indescribable feeling. Though he’d witnessed all of Hankyung’s hardships and often wished he could alleviate the pain by taking them all upon himself (he’d do that for Hankyung in a heartbeat, almost everyone knew that, only if it could ease the pain), he’d never known he could really help just by staying by his side and encouraging him. To hear from someone like Seunghwan that he really appreciated him for being there for Hankyung meant a lot.

He felt a lump in his throat.

Then his phone rang and Siwon’s startled out of his thought. He fished it out of his pocket and looked at the screen.

It’s Stella.

He’d totally forgot about her.

Siwon stared at his phone, didn’t know what excuse to give her, actually he’d been staring at it like that until Seunghwan asked, “Not gonna pick up?”

Siwon looked up at him. “No,” he said then put the phone back into his pocket.

:::::

End of year came with many award shows and they’d been rehearsing and performing non-stop. They barely had any time to sleep with the rate things are going and Siwon, who deemed himself the messenger of God, considered it his duty to invigorate everybody when they’re too exhausted to get up for another round. He’s worried about Hankyung the most since the older was sickly, Heechul’s still unable to walk properly but he wasn’t counted in this case since he couldn’t rehearse with them anyway.

So he always looked after Hankyung, like he’d always done, but more closely this time, more attentively. Before he knew it, his eyes always followed Hankyung: tracking him every action, every move. If Hankyung showed any sign of exhaustion, Siwon would be the one to grab a bottle of water and bring it to his mouth. If Hankyung’s about to stand up or sit down, Siwon would be the first to reach and help him.

Those actions vexed Hankyung somehow. “I don’t-“, he stopped mid-sentence because he didn’t know the word, “-I have hands and legs, you know?” He changed the sentence structure; what he’s trying to say was that he’s not disable. “And I don’t old, too!”

“It’s not like that,” Siwon tried to explain, hand still gripped the Chinese’s forearm tightly as he pulled him up then realized what he’s doing so he loosened the grip.

“Don’t do like I faint any time!” Hankyung hissed.

“I’m not!” He looked down at Hankyung’s feet with the sad-puppy look but still didn’t let go of the other’s arm. He’s actually afraid that the Chinese would collapse any minute if he overworked himself but he didn’t think he should tell Hankyung that.

“Don’t do like I die any time!” Hankyung pulled away and walked towards Kangin and Sungmin standing nearby. Siwon watched dejectedly but didn’t follow.

They rehearsed until late at night and Siwon caught himself leaning towards Hankyung a lot. His eyes still tracked the Chinese’s movements like there’s something in the guy that pulled him in. But the Korean resisted and just hovered about, looking after the older from afar.

It’s until their manager called it a night. Siwon’s walking around hugging, thanking and saying to everyone that they did well for the day when Hankyung walked up to him with a bottle of water and a towel.

“Siwon-ah, I’m sorry,” He said as handing both to the younger, looking coy. Siwon blinked.

“Thank you, hyung.” He smiled as uncapping the bottle. “What are you saying sorry for anyway?”

“I know you worry about me.” He paused. “Sorry I say that to you.”

“Gege, I don’t mind.” He really didn’t mind. He planned to approach Hankyung when they finished the rehearsal because he didn’t want to upset the older when he needed to concentrate on the dance; Hankyung was the main dancer and he would want to do his best. After all, Siwon was good at neither dancing nor singing, his main job was acting so it’s not like he needed to do extra superb here.

There were a lot of reasons that could upset Hankyung lately, including that they left him out of Tic! Toc!, their new single from SM TOWN 2006 WINTER album, because he had fallen sick. And since he wasn’t allowed to perform on many Korean TV channels due to restriction on his visa, with their requirements to be on every channel’s shows at the end of the year like this, to reduce the hassle of re-arranging singing and dancing lines every time according to members available to perform on that stage, they cut off Heechul, Kibum and Hankyung from Tic! Toc! Performance entirely; Heechul – though they gave him a line in the song just for the sake of it - couldn’t dance without injuring himself, and Kibum because his schedule for Snow Flower was so tight he didn’t have time for the rehearsals. It’s like everyone in the small dorm was cut off from Super Junior’s activities.

Siwon knew Hankyung’s very upset about that, but they let him perform on other songs on stages he’s allowed to so he couldn’t really complain. And so he understood why Hankyung didn’t want anyone to treat him like he’s so fragile.

He dabbed the towel the Chinese just handed him on Hankyung’s forehead then his cheeks to show the other that there were no hard feelings between them. And because, well, he sweated a lot.

And also because he could have a reason to touch him.

“Are you tired, hyung?” He asked.

“Yeah,” the Chinese closed his eyes and tilted his head against Siwon’s hand and the younger felt his heart skipped a beat. His hand was frozen still for a couple of seconds before realizing that he needed to keep on wiping the older’s face. His hand slowly slid down Hankyung’s jaw and neck, and as he followed the trails of sweats down to the v-neck of his shirt, eyes couldn’t quite decide whether to follow the hand or keep staring at the other’s face, Hankyung slowly opened his eyes.

 “Why you look me like that?” The Chinese asked coyly and averted his eyes away. His otherwise pale cheeks flushed a bit, might be because of all the exertion.  “Let go. Everyone go already,” he murmured and Siwon just realized when looking around that there were only the two of them left.

Hankyung walked to a corner of the room to get his bag and Siwon suddenly felt deprived…of what he didn’t quite understand, just that he felt more ‘complete’ when there’s Hankyung’s warm skin against his hand like seconds before.

“Let me drive you home,” Siwon offered as he followed the Chinese to grab his bag as well. Heechul and Kibum weren’t here as well as Suenghwan so it’s only Hankyung to be dropped at the small dorm, Siwon’s sure the company’s van driver didn’t mind if he’s going to rob him of his job for tonight, just like he always did.

 And maybe he’d stay over there for the night, he’d consider that later.

“Then hurry up,” Hankyung said as he’d already thrown his bag across his shoulder with his hands in his pockets, smiling sweet and wide.


	11. Chapter 11

The hall was drowned in sapphire blue color.

E.L.Fs were waving their blue balloons on the arranged seats below while Siwon's on one on the stage, on his right was Sungmin while Yesung's on his left. Eunhyuk and Shindong took the MC positions and once in a while it'd be Siwon's turn to answer a question. The atmosphere was lively; their jokes brought laughers from the fans and their naughtiness brought screams. After a while someone called out all the birthday boys to gather in front and Siwon stepped out as well as Hankyung, Kangin, Kyuhyun and Sungmin. They lined up according to their birthdates which Siwon's was next to Hankyung.

"What flavour do you think the cake will be?" Siwon asked the Chinese, he had to practically speak into the other's ear since the background noise was loud.

"You need ask what flavour I like," Hankyung corrected and the younger laughed, he pulled the other in with a swing of his arm.

"Right, my bad." He put his chin on Hankyung's shoulder, just like he'd always liked to do. "So, what flavour do you like it to be?"

"I like almond," Hankyung mused.

"Almonds make nice salted caramel cake," Siwon fantasized. "Orange almond cake also sounds nice."

"Coffee almond cake," the Chinese's quick to countered, "Sounds like what you like, Siwonnie."

"Then for you must be tea almond cake," the younger teased, "Sounds like something you'd like as well."

"Coke almond cake," Hankyung's having fun with the new-recipe cakes they competed to make up. "I cook for you, sounds yummy."

"If you don't eat it all by yourself," Siwon said. "You eat so much these days."

"Hey, you say I'm fat?!" Hankyung immediately turned around to playfully punch or kick Siwon but the other had already jumped away to escape the attack. Hankyung snickered as Siwon feigned being scared of him. Yet in a heartbeat he's back behind Hankyung again, arms around the other's waist and lips next to the other's ear as before.

He's happy, and was happier seeing that Hankyung's happy, especially when he's the reason behind that smile.

But then Siwon's smile was suddenly faded as five cakes were wheeled out, their names were on each cake and he realized Hankyung's was put next to Sungmin on the other end, not next to him here.

What happened? What did Hankyung do? Those questions ran in his head as a staff told Hankyung to go to the other side, the vacancy in his arms made him feel empty.

Then Siwon realized that it's not Hankyung, it's him. Usually, Siwon would keep the distance from Hankyung in public, today he's so ecstatic that he's careless...

When they displayed affections in public, the company's so quick to pull them apart. But when they made them do photoshoots together, they kept ordering them to look each other in the eye. This company's kinda hard to understand, not so different from a teenage girl.

Siwon brooded as he stood in front of his cake, feeling bad that his misbehavior deterred Hankyung and him from celebrating their birthdays together, even if the party wasn't held on the exact dates and it's not even his real birthday in the first place. The reason Siwon kept sticking to this birthday was because it's next to Hankyung's and any reason whatsoever that could relate him to Hankyung, he held onto it for dear life.

The fans sang 'Happy Birthday', each sentence for each birthday boy starting from Sungmin to Siwon. The boy hardly smiled as he cut his cake, putting them in paper plates and distributed to the fans. It's vanilla cake just like all the usual birthday cakes and Siwon didn't like it anyway.

The party continued but Siwon's mood had never recovered. He simpered from time to time but all the while he felt like he'd done something wrong and now he didn't know how to act in front of the camera. He's not allowed to be himself, couldn't touch Hankyung as much as he liked - the punishment before had made that quite clear. He didn't know what the company wanted him to do so Siwon opted for staying still and wishing the party to end.

It's Hankyung who approached him. "No almond," he said, eyes still on the fans and their sapphire blue balloons.

Siwon looked at Hankyung's profile. "I'm sorry I messed things up," he apologized and felt deeply sorry. The Chinese turned around.

"You?" He looked confused.

"Me, of course." Siwon frowned; didn't he know that his PDA was the reason Hankyung was moved to the other side? Siwon's hand moved instinctively to hold the Chinese's but he caught himself in time, his fingers only brushed Hankyung's back hand but then the older caught Siwon's fingers before he'd pull back.

"You don't say happy birthday to me," Hankyung said and Siwon's heart tightened as the other looked at him with his beautiful sad eyes. Siwon's lips curled up in a sincere smile for the first time in almost an hour.

"Happy birthday to you, Gege," Siwon said and shifted his hand so that he could hold Hankyung's properly. The Chinese smiled back and it's the most beautiful thing Siwon had ever seen.

"Happy birthday to you, too, Siwon-ssi."

:::::

"Happy birthday, Gege," Siwon said in Chinese through the line. "I wish I could be there with you on your birthday," and he really meant that.

"I think you don't call," Hankyung teased. It's almost midnight now in Beijing. "What time is it in New York?"

"How could you think I won't call? Of course, I'd call," Siwon sounded slighted that Hankyung thought something like that. "It's almost noon here."

The Chinese made his way to the bed and flopped down on it, he's at his house in Beijing tonight and it's great that he could celebrate his birthday with his family and all the fans in China this year. Still, he had to admit that he also missed Siwon, who's now also celebrating his birthday with his family on a trip half a world away, quite a lot.

And without saying out loud, Hankyung knew whom Siwon actually went to meet and celebrate his birthday with in New York, as well as Valentine’s Day and Lunar New Year.

"You don't jet-lag?" Hankyung asked. New York sounded so far away from here.

“Just a bit, I’ll get used to it soon,” Siwon said and yawned in time to make a point. “What did you do today?”

“I just had dinner with family.” Hankyung lay down, he’s so full now and he knew he shouldn’t sleep, but today’s his birthday so maybe he could indulge himself a bit?

“In or out?” Siwon asked.

“What?”

“You had dinner outside or at home?” Siwon clarified.

“Oh, outside,” Hankyung answered. “You know? Chinese fans gave me music video as gift so I spent my birthday chat with them on my cyworld.”

“You did?” Siwon sounded interested. “How’s it?”

“I break server!” Hankyung laughed. “Many fans come online same time so server come down.”

“Really?” Siwon sounded glad. “Everyone loves you, hyung.”

“Yes, I’m happy I celebrate my birthday with Chinese fans this year.” Hankyung rolled around in bed.

“In case you forget, I also love you, Gege,” Siwon reminded and the Chinese felt his cheeks heated up a bit even though he knew Siwon didn’t mean anything more than love between brothers.

“I love you, too,” Hankyung replied shyly and Siwon laughed.

“That’s about time!” He said joyfully. Hankyung blinked.

“What?”

“You’ve never said you loved me before,” he sounded too pleased and Hankyung felt his cheeks heated up further.

“I never?” He knew he’s not very forward with his feelings compare with those Korean boys who always said ‘saranghae’ to one another very easily, but it never occurred to him that he’d never said ‘I love you’ to Siwon whom he’s always close. The thought made his face heat up and he instantly felt both shy and embarrassed.

“Yes. And you know what? It’s the first sentence you said to me on my birthday.” Hankyung raised his brow and turned around to look at the clock, it’s already past midnight so it’s practically Siwon’s birthday now here.

“But it’s not your birthday there,” Hankyung said. It’s still noon in New York’s time on Hankyung’s birthday.

“It’s already my birthday in your time, that’s what counts.” Siwon laughed. “So?”

Hankyung’s confused. “So?”

“Gege,” Siwon whined and Hankyung could literally imagine the other’s pouty lips right now.

Hankyung laughed. “Okay, okay, happy birthday Siwonnie.” He knew that if they’re together right now, Siwon would have asked him for a hug and a kiss. “I wish you health, wealth and good fortune,” he said.

It’s Siwon’s turn to laugh. “Thank you, hyung,” and his voice was really thankful, “I wouldn’t have made it without you.”

“I wouldn’t have made it without you, too,” Hankyung whispered.


End file.
